feat: DM epoch fix, federation relay, and mDNS mesh discovery

- schema: createChannel returns wasNew :Bool to elect the MLS initiator
  unambiguously; prevents duplicate group creation on concurrent /dm calls
- core: group helpers for epoch tracking and key-package lifecycle
- server: federation subsystem — mTLS QUIC server-to-server relay with
  Cap'n Proto RPC; enqueue/batchEnqueue relay unknown recipients to their
  home domain via FederationClient
- server: mDNS _quicproquo._udp.local. service announcement on startup
- server: storage + sql_store — identity_exists, peek/ack, federation
  home-server lookup helpers
- client: /mesh peers REPL command (mDNS discovery, feature = "mesh")
- client: MeshDiscovery — background mDNS browse with ServiceDaemon
- client: was_new=false path in cmd_dm waits for peer Welcome instead of
  creating a duplicate initiator group
- p2p: fix ALPN from quicnprotochat/p2p/1 → quicproquo/p2p/1
- workspace: re-include quicproquo-p2p in members

crates/quicproquo-server/src/config.rs

@@ -72,6 +72,7 @@ pub struct FederationPeerConfig {
 }
 
 #[derive(Debug)]
+#[allow(dead_code)] // federation not yet wired up
 pub struct EffectiveFederationConfig {
     pub enabled: bool,
     pub domain: String,